On Parenting


“A wise parent humours the desire for independent action, so as to become the friend and advisor when his absolute rule shall cease.”

– Elizabeth Gaskell

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5 thoughts on “On Parenting

  1. Maybe this is why my parents were so different. As I entered adulthood, my dad increasingly set me free and eventually became one of my two closest friends. My mom never released me as a child. Till the day she died, I was always not good enough and less than. I think she loved me and was proud of me, but I don’t think she ever thought of me as a fully adult man

  2. Children Learn What They Live
    By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

    If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
    If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
    If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
    If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
    If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
    If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
    If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
    If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
    If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
    If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
    If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
    If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
    If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
    If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
    If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
    If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
    If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
    If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
    If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

    Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

  3. My mom never released me as a child. Till the day she died, I was always not good enough and less than.

    Before i would let that bother me, KIA, I would do what I could to learn what her own childhood was like – it could well be that she was driven or compelled to perceive things as she did, and it may have had far more to do with her, than with you.

    If you allow the opinions of others to define you, you’re in for a bumpy ride – “Know thyself” is good advice.

  4. A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along by his side a countryman passed them and said, “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?” So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way.

    But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said, “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.”

    So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other, “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.”

    Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passersby began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at.

    The men said, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours — you and your hulking son?”

    The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them until they came to a bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his forefeet being tied together, he was drowned.
    — Aesop —

    Try to please everyone, KIA, and you will please no one.

  5. Mom was a different sort. I agree, knowing a bit about her upbringing helps to understand. Sure miss her on the holidays. Gone 2yrs

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