“No, it’s a matter of logic! If you’re going to say things that have been proven wrong, like that the first man and woman lived in Missouri, and that Native Americans came from Jerusalem, then you’d better have something to back it up. All you’ve got are a bunch of stories about some asswipe who read plates nobody ever saw out of a hat, and then couldn’t do it again when the translations were hidden!”
– Stan Marsh
Knowledge Guild 
South Park Season 7, episode 12 “All About The Mormons” [No. 712]
[A little American town in the early 1800s. A man rides by in a small carriage pulled by one horse. In the distance, Joseph Smith strolls into town]
SINGERS
Joseph Smith was called a prophet
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
He started the Mormon religion
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
BLACKSMITH
There goes that kooky Joseph Smith.
CUSTOMER
You know, he claims he spoke with God and Jesus.
WOMAN
Well, how do you know he didn’t?
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Joseph Smith was called a prophet
BUTLER
Hey, Joseph! I told my wife that you spoke with God and Jesus, and she didn’t believe it.
SMITH
Well it’s true. I did.
WIFE
Where?
SMITH
I was out in the woods, praying I was asking God if I should be a Protestant, or a Catholic, or what? And suddenly God and Jesus appeared before me. And they said I should start my own church, because none of the others had it right. And that’s exactly how it happened.
BUTLER
You see? You believe it now?
WIFE
Well yeah, sure. Why would he make that up?
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Many people believed Joseph
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
And that night he-ee saw an angel
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
SMITH
And please bless Mother and Father, and please keep our bellies full of yum-yums and luscious goodies. Ah! Oh my gosh!
ANGEL
I am Moroni. I am a Native American.
SMITH
A… Native American? But your skin is white.
MORONI
Yes. Long ago all Native American were white. We all came to America from Jerusalem. And while we were here we were visited by Christ.
SMITH
Jesus live here in America?
MORONI
Yes. Eventually, my people were all killed by the other tribe of Israel, and as punishment, God turned their skin red. These are the Native Americans you know today.
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
MORONI
There is an ancient book buried near here, written on gold plates that account my people’s lives. Also buried with the book are two seer stones, the Urim and Thummim, which will allow you to translate the writings. Find it, and fulfil your destiny.
SMITH
Wooww…
SINGERS
Joseph Smith was called a prophet
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
[…]
[The Early 1800s, day, a small town. People mill around]
SMITH
I found them! I found them! You’re not going to believe it, everybody! I found them!
BUTLER
Found what?
SMITH
Another New Testament of Jesus Christ!
PEOPLE
What? What did he say? Are you crazy?
SMITH
Last night, a Native America angel told me where I could find another testament of Jesus Christ, so I went out to the woods. I dug around all morning where the angel had told me to look.
SMITH
“Maybe there isn’t anything out here. Wait a tick! What’s this? Wow…” Inside the stone box, I found the magical seer stones. Under that, I found four gold plates written in strange writing. “This must be the Gospel that Jesus told the Nephites!” Well, they were the most amazing things I’d ever gazed upon.
MAN
Well, so where are they?
SMITH
Where are what?
WOMAN
The gold plates and the seer stones. Where are they?
SMITH
Oh. Oh, well, I… was not allowed to take them. You see, after I found the plates, the angel Moroni appeared to me again and said that I am not allowed to show the plates, or the seer stones, to anybody. Because first I must translate what’s written on the plates into English, so you can all read it!
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
PEOPLE
Wow, amazing!
SINGERS
He found the stones and golden plates
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Even though nobody else ever saw them
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
[…]
[Back to the 1800s, night. Joseph Smith and another man walk up into the attic of a large building]
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
MAN
What’s this all about, Mr. Smith?
SMITH
Mr. Harris, can you keep a secret?
HARRIS
Well, sure I can.
SMITH
I have, in my possession, an ancient book written on gold plates that tells of Jesus Christ’s second coming. Here, in America.
HARRIS
In America? Really? That sounds kind of…
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
SMITH
It’s true. And I’m going to translate the plates and publish it into a book for the whole world to read. Now, I know you have a lot of money, Mr. Harris, and I’m just going to need a little bit to pay for the publishing costs.
HARRIS
Mmm, I don’t know. Uh, how do you expect to translate it?
SMITH
With these.
HARRIS
Rocks?
SMITH
They’re not rocks. They’re seer stones, given to me by an angel. With them, God allowed me to translate the plates into English. Watch. You take this quill and paper and write down what I say. Sit here. I have the golden plates here in this hat. I need to have them somewhere dark so I can read the spiritual light.
HARRIS
Really?
SMITH
Now, when I put the seer stones into the hat, the ancient letter light up and change into English, which I can then read to you.
HARRIS
Wow!
SMITH
Ooo, I’m seeing the light. Oh, okay. Write this down. “And… so… it… was… that… Christ… appeared before… the… Nephites.”
SINGERS
And that’s how the Book of Mormon was written
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Dahumb dahumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Dumb dumb dumb dumb duuumb, duuumb
[…]
[Back to the 1800s, night, the large building]
SINGERS
Martin went home to his wife
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
And showed her pages from the Book of Mormon
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
HARRIS
And so Joseph Smith put his head into a hat, a-and read to me what the golden plates said. I wrote it all down and we’re going to publish it into a book.
MRS. HARRIS
Martin, how do you know he isn’t just making stuff up and pretending he’s translating off golden plates?
SINGERS
Lucy Harris smart smart smart
Smart smart smart smart smart
HARRIS
Why would he make it up?
SINGERS
Martin Harris dumb dadumb-
LUCY
All right, here. I’m going to hide these pages. If Joseph Smith really is translating off of golden plates, then he’ll be able to do it again. But if Joseph Smith is making it all up, then the new translations will be different from these.
HARRIS
Okay, fine. I bet he’ll have no problem.
SINGERS
Lucy Harris smart smart smart
Martin Harris dumb
So Martin went on back to Smith
Said the pages had gone away
Smith got mad and told Martin
He needed to go pray
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
HARRIS
Look, ah I’m sorry about losing the pages we worked on, Joe, but I’m ready to write it all down again if you translate from the plates.
SMITH
I would love to, Martin, except, I just had a vision. And the Lord said he’s very angry with me for letting you take those pages.
HARRIS
He is?
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
SMITH
Yes. He is so mad that he will never let me translate from the plate of Lehi again. He’s… we must now translate from the plate of Nephi. So it will be the same basic story, but written a little differently.
HARRIS
Wow! If God got angry with you, then you must be telling the truth.
SINGERS
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
HARRIS
All right, Martin. Let’s get to work!
Of course, that’s exactly how it happened.