Kansas Classrooms


I can’t teach you about safe sex because it might encourage you to become promiscuous.

I can’t tell you what airbags do. That information will make you think it’s okay to start crashing into things.

I’m sorry class. We can no longer study Mexico. As you’d all run away to Tijuana if I told you what was there.

If I teach you girls how to rescue a burnt casserole, how can I trust you to follow the teachings of Héloise?

I’m afraid I can’t tell you how Hannibal crossed the Alps. If I did, you crazy kids are likely to conquer the prom with elephants. Oops.

Trigonometry will no longer be taught. You could use that knowledge to calculate the trajectory of eggs thrown at my Geo Metro.

We won’t be using safety glasses this year in shop class. I believe anyone who gets a word chip in their eye have it coming.

Science has been cancelled because your parents prefer to believe in magic.

Big Fat Whale, Brian McFadden 2006

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6 thoughts on “Kansas Classrooms

  1. I can see this one, Kuba. Most others, every time I click on the title, I get a message saying, “Oops, this is somewhat embarrassing, isn’t it?” and am unable to see the contents. For instance, the first one you sent – “On Language, Politics.. .” – got the ‘oops’ message. . .I don’t know if it’s at your end or mine.

  2. The refresh doesn’t refresh the threads – I just get that same message. The latest ones you sent I can’t access either – I’m getting that same message, “This is somewhat embarrassing – nothing found”. Weird.

  3. Ever notice that the people who freak out at the thought of teaching safe sex are the same ones who insist that we teach kids gun safety “so they’ll know how to do it without being a threat to themselves or others.”

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