“Friends, with your help and love you have shown us how to make sense of the world, and when the world hasn’t made any sense at all you told us to sit back and enjoy it; you taught us what’s right, what’s real, what’s beautiful about this planet, and for that we are eternally grateful.”
– Richard Solomon
Dick: It’s so weird. Humans make up all these superstitions to try to control random events, but before they know it, the superstitions are controlling them.
– 3rd Rock from the Sun (1998) Series 4, Episode 16; “Superstitious Dick” [No. 89]
Don: Well, Dick, this is it. The tank.
Dick: Oh. Oh, look at them, their deep-set eyes darting with evil brilliance. What’d they do, Don?
Don: Well, that one’s a loiterer, and that guy was screaming at a fire hydrant.
Dick: You, fresh meat, what are you in for?
Inmate: Up yours!
Don: Don’t rile ’em up. They’re bad news.
Dick: Oh, this place is so creepy, Don. I knew jails had bars, but I didn’t know they were so confining.
Don: That’s kind of the idea.
[…]
Don: So, if he can’t pay his fine, he just – well, he’ll just sit there for a few days and think about what he’s done.
Dick: And that’ll teach him that jail is a dirty, horrible place, and he’ll never want to return?
Don: Exactly. In fact, this is the fifth time he’s learned that very lesson.
Dick: The fifth time? Why does he keep coming back?
Don: Ah, it’s just the way they are.
Dick: Then what’s the point of this place? It’s just a revolving door, a hopeless hotel whose residents check in and out between crimes. And you, Don, you’re nothing more than a bellhop with a badge.
Don: I am not.
Inmate: Hey, can I get a clean towel and a Wall Street Journal?
Don: Will you shut up in there! Now, listen here, Dick, this system is the only way we’ve got to teach these guys a lesson.
Dick: What about giving them a little guidance?
Don: Uh, we don’t do that here.
Dick: Well, maybe you should. Unlike you, I happen to have faith in the human race. I can take any one of these men, rehabilitate him, and make him a productive member of society.
Don: You’re mad, Solomon.
Dick: Am I? Come on, you, you’re coming home with me.
Don: What are you doing?
Dick: I’m going to pay his fine and make him whole again. As god is my witness, nothing will deter me from saving this man.
Don: Ok. His fine is $1,500.
Dick: Ooh. How much for the skinny one?
Don: Uh, 750.
Dick: And the short hair in the corner?
Don: Eddie? 100 bucks.
Dick: Wrap him up. I’ll take him.
– Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner: 3rd Rock from the Sun (1996-2001)
“As the old year draws to a close, one can’t help but reflect on what hasn’t been done and what can never be reclaimed. Say what you will about this year, it is lost, it is gone. And as I look around me, I can honestly say there is no group that I would rather be with, to face the grim spectre of death, racing with blinding speed, so inexorably towards us.”
– Richard Solomon
Knowledge Guild 