Alcohol and the Ragdoll Effect


If you have an accident or serious injury while drunk you are more likely to recover than if you are sober. In fact, there is a thing called the ragdoll effect, where if you fall while drunk or do not brace during a crash, you are more likely to survive.

“I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway

Researchers of the University of Chicago have spent 14 years examining the ragdoll effect, analysing the blood alcohol of 190,000 trauma patients. With the exception of burns death rates from all traumatic injury fell as blood alcohol levels rose. Amongst the extremely drunk mortality rates fell by nearly 50%. Gunshot and stab victims had the greatest benefit. Amongst drivers however, you are between two-to-four times more likely to die in a car crash.

Elaine: So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undateable?
Jerry: Undateable!
Elaine: Then how are all these people getting together?
Jerry: Alcohol.
Seinfeld (1995) Season 7, Episode 4; “The Wink” [No. 114]

Do ‘it’ for Denmark


Kan sex redde Danmarks fremtid? That is, can sex save Denmark’s future?

According to government statistics, Denmark posted a birth rate of 10 per 1,000 residents in 2013 — its lowest in decades. The nation’s birthrate was  9.9 in 1983.

Denmark’s perennially low birth rate places it with Germany (8.33), Japan (8.39) and Singapore (7.72). And the downward trend has left people worried in Denmark. Most couples say they want two or three kids, according to the Copenhagen Post, but one in five couples wind up childless.

To counter this trend, a bold and hilarious campaign has emerged. For the salvation of the country, a Danish travel company called Spies has organized the movement Do it for Denmark!; it wants Danes to act and act now — without precautions.

“This is Denmark. We are Danes. We keep our distance. We do not pick a seat close to strangers if other seats are available. We do not talk to strangers in the trains.”
― Steen Langstrup, Metro

Studies show that Danes have 46 percent more sex on holiday, and because more sex increases the chances for more children, the travel company Spies has called for a romantic break to save the future of Denmark.

To get the campaign of the ground, Spies will give prizes to couples who get pregnant while on vacations purchased through them.

Afterwards, upon successful sex, the couple is to shoot off a positive pregnancy test and medical records to the company. Then they may win three years worth of free diapers.

Börn er vis sorg, men uvis gläede.
― Children are definitive sorrow, but undefinitive joy.

And just in case Danes are confused by this whole pregnancy thing, the company has offered a helpful how-to on its website:

  • Men, avoid tight pants. Even if you think they look good on you.
  • Remember to exercise and maintain a healthy body weight.
  • Avoid stress. Take a massage or try some yoga.
  • Use Gravity. Lay down after sex for at least 15 minutes.
  • Don’t forget to have sex – without using protection.

Benefits of Masturbation


“In the United States, the last recorded clitoridectomy for curing masturbation was performed in 1948–on a five year old girl.”
– Eve Ensler, The Vagina Monologues

It used to be thought that masturbation had negative medical consequences; it was also considered to be ethically deplorable for various curious reasons. Fortunately, these superstitious days are over, and empirical sciences have taken over from ill-informed prudery. Indeed, quite the reverse, many benefits of masturbation have since been discovered:

In 2003, an Australian research team of The Cancer Council Australia found that males masturbating frequently had a lower probability to develop prostate cancer. Men who averaged five or more ejaculations weekly in their 20s had significantly lower risk. However they could not show a direct causation. The study also indicated that increased ejaculation through masturbation rather than intercourse would be more helpful as intercourse is associated with diseases (STDs) that may increase the risk of cancer instead. However, this benefit may be age related.

  • Giles, G.G.; G. Severi, D.R. English, M.R.E. McCredie, R. Borland, P. Boyle and J.L. Hopper (2003). Sexual factors and prostate cancer. BJU International.

A study published in 1997 found an inverse association between death from coronary heart disease and frequency of orgasm even given the risk that myocardial ischaemia and myocardial infarction can be triggered by sexual activity.

That is, a difference in mortality appeared between any two subjects when one subject ejaculated at around two times per week more than the other. Mortality risk was 50% lower in the group with high orgasmic frequency than in the group with low orgasmic frequency, with evidence of a dose-response relation across the groups. It was therefore concluded that sexual activity seems to have a protective effect on men’s health.

  • Smith, George Davey; F; Y (December 20, 1997). Sex and death: are they related? Findings from the Caerphilly cohort study. BMJ 315 (7123): 1641.

A 2008 study at Tabriz Medical University found ejaculation reduces swollen nasal blood vessels, freeing the airway for normal breathing. The mechanism is through stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system and is long lasting. The study author suggests “It can be done [from] time-to-time to alleviate the congestion and the patient can adjust the number of intercourses or masturbations depending on the severity of the symptoms.”

  • “Masturbation could bring hay fever relief for men”. (April 2008) Newscientist.com.

Some professionals consider masturbation to function as a cardiovascular workout. Though research is still as yet scant, those suffering from cardiovascular disorders (particularly those recovering from myocardial infarction, or heart attacks) should resume physical activity (including sexual intercourse and masturbation) gradually and with the frequency and rigour which their physical status will allow. This limitation can serve as encouragement to follow through with physical therapy sessions to help improve endurance.

  • Graber, Benjamin; Benjamin Graber, Scott Balogh, Denis Fitzpatrick and Shelton Hendricks (June 1991). Cardiovascular changes associated with sexual arousal and orgasm in men. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment (Springer Netherlands) 4 (2): 151–165.

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” – Lily Tomlin

The Alcoholism Of James Bond


Research has been done into the alcohol consumption of James Bond ‘as if he were a real person’. The objective of the research was to create a retrospective literature review quantifying James Bond’s consumption of alcohol as detailed in the series of novels by Ian Fleming. Essentially, the researchers measured the weekly alcohol consumption by Commander Bond.

Martini ‘shaken, not stirred’ is Bond’s favourite drink

The research was conducted as follows: all 14 James Bond books were read by two of the authors. Contemporaneous notes were taken detailing every alcoholic drink taken; predefined alcohol unit levels were used to calculate consumption; and days when Bond was unable to consume alcohol (such as through incarceration) were noted.

The results were quite surprising: after exclusion of days when Bond was unable to drink, his weekly alcohol consumption was 92 units a week, over four times the recommended amount in the United Kingdom. His maximum daily consumption was 49.8 units. He had only 12.5 alcohol free days out of 87.5 days on which he was able to drink.

In conclusion, if James Bond were a real person, his level of alcohol intake would put him at high risk of multiple alcohol related diseases and an early death. Bond would be considered a grade 3 drinker, putting him in the highest risk group for malignancies, depression, hypertension, cirrhosis and sexual dysfunction. Researchers estimate death at 56.

“You only live twice:
Once when you’re born
And once when you look death in the face.”
― Ian Fleming, You Only Live Twice

The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol. Bond’s alcohol consumption resembles a pattern that is commonly seen in people suffering from chronic liver disease; although he has enough in his life to be stressed about, his drinking is probably enduced by a cerebellar tremor (also known as an intention tremor, the result of dysfunction of the cerebellum).

Besides the fact that Bond has quite a dangerous job, his heavy alcoholism is not his only danger in his life; a chapter in Casino Royale begins with the line ‘Bond lit his 80th cigarette of the day’. – Ian Fleming, coincidentally, was an ardent smoker.