Alien Activity

Tim: I’ve found the file, Jilly.
Jill: What have you come up with Taylor?
Tim: According to my underground sources, this is the triangulated center of all alien activity in the western hemisphere.
Jill: Easily explained by swamp gas, weather balloons, mass delusional hysteria?
Tim: Why do you respond to everything I say with scientific mumbo jumbo?
Jill: Because everything you say is pie-in-the-sky paranormal saucer-head idiocy.
Tim: The truth is out there.
Jill: No. You’re the one that’s out there.

Home Improvement (1997) Series 7, Episode 22; “Believe it or Not” [No. 173]

Simplicity of Design

Tim: What’re you doing?

Wilson: Just carving out a canoe, Tim.

Tim: Sounds hard.

Wilson: Not really Tim. You just take a big block of wood and chip away everything that’s not a canoe.

Home Improvement (1991) Series 1, Episode 11; “Look Who’s Not Talking” [No. 11]


“If your wife were a piece hockey equipment what would she be?

  1. A goalie mask; wired and closed off.
  2. A stick; long, rigid, and likes to hit things.
  3. Elbow pads; soft, flexible, and a good housekeeper.
  4. Jockstrap; gets in the way a lot but is basically supportive.”
– Tim Allen