Listed below is a collection of messages displayed at the marquee of The First Church of Springfield as featured in The Simpsons:
- Private Wedding, Please Worship Elsewhere [Episode No. 102]
- No Synagogue Parking [No. 170]
- Next Sunday: The Miracle Of Shame [No. 175]
- Today’s Topic: He Knows What You Did Last Summer [No. 213]
- Today’s Topic: There’s Something About The Virgin Mary [No. 234]
- Today’s Topic: Life In Hell [No. 237]
- If You Were A Pastor, You’d Be Home By Now! [No. 290]
- Welcome Pissed-Off Catholics [No. 298]
- Now with only nine commandments! [No. 314]
- We Welcome Other Faiths (Just Kidding) [No. 328]
- Rapture Threat Level: Orange [No. 343]
- Today: Bobble-Head Moses Giveaway [No. 355]
- Quit St3aling Our L3tt3rs [No. 359]
- Today’s Topic: Jesus Hates You [No. 372]
- Today: Church Council Meeting Topic: Religion [No. 377]
- Today: Shadrach, The Other Friend Of Meshach [No. 435]
- Free Wi-Fi During Sermon [No. 455]
- We’ve Run Out Of Consoling Phrases [No. 503]
- Communion in 30 minutes or less or your service is free! [No. 514]
- Jesus on Twitter: #idiedforyoursins [No. 526]
Knowledge Guild 
These are the titles of the cited episodes: “Lady Bouvier’s Lover”; “My Sister, My Sitter”; “In Marge We Trust”; “Viva Ned Flanders”; “Take My Wife, Sleaze”; “Faith Off”; “The Frying Game”; “Special Edna”; “Treehouse of Horror XIV”; “Co-Dependent’s Day”; “Homer and Ned’s Hail Mary Pass”; “Home Away from Homer”; “Milhouse of Sand and Fog”; “Million-Dollar Abie”; “The Monkey Suit”
“Wedding for Disaster”; “Postcards from the Wedge”; “Them, Robot”; “A Tree Grows in Springfield”; “Pulpit Friction”.
I watch for those every time, as well as what the billboard will say on the opening and Bart’s chalkboard punishments.
“Today: Bobble-Head Moses Giveaway [No. 355]”
As close as I can get:
